I have been away from writting anything here, becasue I just didnt know what else to write. I had become so void of all emotions, pain, hurt...everything! I had the worst time of my life in the last 10 days ! During my times of confusions, I did horrible things and hurt all my friends and the people whom I loved or cared for in one way or the other! I betrayed the trust of my friends in the most uncompromising places, and I just didnt realise what I was doing!
I was so full of hatred and bitterness towards everyone! I was bitter towards my husband because he cant understand that I am over all this! I am over the love and marriage and commitment!!! I was bitter towards to my friend who was supporting my husband to do all the unwanted things, just to get back at me! I was bitter towards my best friend becasue she didnt want to go out with me anymore, becasue her husband told her not to !!! And above all I was bitter to the most loved person because I feel I have been cheated, played around with and hurt like never before ! I could take a dagger into my chest, but not the duplicity !!
And now, I am left to swallow all the hatred from everyone because of the crime I committed !
Was it worth it ? I would say ....yes !! Now I see the world in a new and different way! All the frustrations that were penting up has been let loose! Now I want to get back to doing what I want to do, and not what I am supposed to do! I dont want to compromise on anything anymore because I am expected to..... because I am a woman in Indian soceity and a wife!!
I want to live as an individual ! as a free entity without any ropes to bind me down!
YOU and only YOU are making the choice of concluding that this is good and that is bad. Depending on how strongly you are expressing that, people are only validating your statements.
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference in longing for Freedom and gathering the courage to BE FREE.
May you find the wisdom that is yours for the asking..