Now that i have started with my blog and i have accepted the fact that i AM looking for a new beginning, i think it is also fair that i sort of pen down whats happening behind the scene !
it is the state of "confusion" that has bogged me down completely! and the confusion comes from all angles! it is about my career, my marriage, a baby, my priorities, my love, my passion, my desires....
At 30, i feel i should have, by now, known what i wanted out of life...and in life! but i am surprised and it irritates me that i am not yet ready to forgo my freedom, independence and remain tied to the little rituals of life like making a baby, handling and keeping a home together, live upto the expectations of husband, in-laws, friends... !! isnt that odd?
I question myself if i made the right choice getting married at 24, knowing the free spirit that i was and loved to be? why did i have to? it was not forced onto me! we fought all odds to get married then ! at that time i thought i found the right man, who would do anything to keep me happy and i thought i would never find another man like that! and he was ready to accept me the way i was! what more could i have asked for...right? and somewhere i had read that you should not marry the man whom you love, but marry the man who loves you! and thats what i did !! but now i am not so sure....not sure if i made the right decision back then, if that was what i really wanted!
i know i am one of the lucky women who has a great husband who really loves and respects me, does everything an ideal husband is supposed to do! i dont think a "normal" woman would want anything more out of this relationship and marriage! so, why then am I not happy with this ideal husband? why do i want more and more...and more for myself !
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