YOU

So far all the other times that I had sat down to write, was when I was feeling miserable or totally struck down! But today is one of the days when I am not really feeling any of those!

After so many years of life on earth... and must I say... what a life so far....I still feel... incomplete...lost ?!

I had given up on love after so many heart breaks and after crushing one too many too!

But somewhere deep down I realized I hadn’t really! I still went back to finding it after it tore me apart, broke me down and crushed me! Some were nasty, some foolish and some ridiculous! And mind you, every time I thought it was love! But this time I am hoping, it truly is! I am hoping it is the kind, that if not more, at least lasts a lifetime! 

Because in that love, I have felt complete in many ways! Some moments where I have laughed my heart out, in some where I have cried my eyes out, in some wrestled my way out! But every moment with him has only left me wanting to experience a little more!

I don’t know if it is love! I don’t know if love really exists! But if it does ... I want to experience it, truly! I want to look into those eyes and feel wanted! I want to have those arms around me and feel cared! I want to know I am loved! 

I am asked, if I will ever learn from my mistakes! If I will, maybe, stop acting from my heart and listen to the head once because so far my heart has not really given me a “happy life”! 

But I just smile and say, maybe NEVER! Because in this crazy stupid heart, I still have hope! 

SK

Hhhmmm......

Haven't I heard that "hhmmmm" quite so often lately ! :)

I am surprised that its been months since I have actually come back here to write something. I quite often did think of starting it again, but just didn't find enough to write about ! Don't know if its because nothing much was worthwhile writing, or if it was the fact that I had gotten used to taking it in stride and just move on!

It has been quite a journey, the last year and more ! Where it all started and where it is today! Had started with a thought, and today am living it! I wouldn't say it was easy, but who said it would be ! Just seems like yesterday, when I had quit a job, a home, a marriage, a LIFE ! All in the hope that I will live TODAY and be happy, no...content living it my way! I have not been disappointed so far!

New city, new job, new home, new friends and  ....
But the fears trickle in, the ability to trust and love is lost somewhere! Doubt looms over everybody I come across. Apprehensiveness sets in leaving me to wonder if this was really what I wanted? Am I ready for it?
Living alone, cooking food for yourself and eating by yourself, nobody to party out with or hang around with ! Had I really had painted a perfect picture of what life would be once I am on my own? Maybe .....

But I am ready to give it a shot and however it may turn out to be, I don't want to die regretting not having tried it !

:)