So many months has passed, so decisions made, so many acted on and today life still looks as confused as it did months and months back. My mind has gone through so many turmoils, so many conflicts and having reached the point where the heart knew what it wanted, the mind and heart could not feel the peace.
This day, 7 years back, I had lunged into a knot which I had believed was forever! When that "forever" changed and when the emotions changed from love to loveless, I dont know. The void in life just does not seem to go away, the hollowness still lingers.
The moments when I felt like vanishing away from the face of earth still tugs somewhere! Sometimes I wonder is the fight worth living for? Or is it better to just go on living the life which is more convenient, take the path that is clearer and easier? I feel at times I dont know what I am fighting for.....
Sometimes I guess the pain and the effort gets so unbearable that you wish there was someone you could just show the degree of it, share it in some way. And the pain gets more pinching when you feel you were the one to have taken the plunge, but its the world that has moved on and you are still where you started ......
and then you realize that you are all alone in this world, no matter what you have and who you have!
You are talking about a stage in the what I call.. "the Z axis process" It is similar to having gone into a chrysalis, and suffering the excruciating changes.. the efforts to stretch-stretch-stretch so that the wings get strong. Even then, one comes out of the chrysalis and then that risky plunge into the unknown. Then and only then, one finds out about the truth of the wind. Ask the caterpillars if they know what is the wind and they will think you are crazy!! Hang in there.. :-)
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