Trashed !

I cannot fathom how one day one is on top of the world, and in a moment everything comes crashing down! We have head stories of it, seen it in movies, read about it in papers but somehow never braced ourselves for it! 

And what's so stupefying is the fact that I am responsible for all of it .. I .. ME .. MYSELF! And now I wonder how could I be such a fool ! How could I have not seen it coming? I cant even share it with anyone anymore because now when I do, people just stare at me with a look that says ... SERIOUSLY? 

What was my mistake? I trusted people! I trusted their words! And let my guards down.... again! After my last struggle with faith in people, I had managed to walk back into the world, let myself get flown with the wind and let time take its course. What I had not counted for was the chance of having being knocked down again if I let my guards down. But I did ... and now I have no one or nothing to blame it on!

Why do I carry this death wish with me all the time? Why do I let myself get trashed again and again? Will I ever learn? 
I am so tired of it all now! I just wish there was a way to end it all! At least I would not have to go through it so many times ! I just cant do it anymore!

I Hate You, Like I Love You

It’s been long since I contributed to this page. It’s not that I did not have any contemplations, but I wasn’t sure if I could discuss most of them in this forum. Anyway, I do have this thought that came to me this morning and I would want to lay it out … open for discussion!

I have not yet been able to really DEFINE or UNDERSTAND love! I don’t think there’s anything more complex to it… Or is it very simple but we just don’t get the hang of it because of our entwined minds!

So my confusion today is if we can hate someone as much as we love them?
They are 2 extreme emotions and I couldn’t think that they could co-exist, but that is exactly how I am feeling right now! Let’s say you are so overwhelmingly in love with someone. The kind of love where you enjoy every moment of being together, sharing the raucous laughs, the whining of job, devouring food like pigs and many such nasty happiness !

But there comes a day or time, when he or she does something and within that heart, where love supposedly resides, you feel a rage building up. And that anger which leads to hurt, gets so overpowering that it kind of envelops all the love! But you still do love the person! You would want to be together but cannot take repeated episodes of the hurt and anger! You are ready to forgive and forget all the episodes that has happened to tear your heart, but then you get tossed back into that area! Then what?

Do you love and hate the person at the same time?  And what does he/she on the other side feel or think? I know they have said that they still love you! But my next question comes, why can’t I see or feel that love then? Can someone really repeatedly hurt you so much?

And I guess this is how the love then starts diminishing and the NOTHINGNESS comes in its place where nothing matters anymore! Whether they love or hate…just couldn’t care less!